Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Tump: When and Where Rock Meets Roll and Said Hey to Roll: a Rock & Roll Review of the Band Tump: a Review.


This is my review of the ATX band Tump:

Tump is the best group of transvestites performing alternative trance beat-box dub-step in Southwest Texas I’ve ever seen.  Their stunning sexuality intermingled with great rhythm that screams “hey now, brown cowwww” to even the less intellectual crowd can make a grown child believe in church again.  But, that’s not all.
 I would describe them in less normal ways also.  For instance, terms like:  Music.  Rock.  Gueetar.  Boys.  Jazz.  Faggy.  Hey now.  Brown.  Cow.  Live.  Amps.  Drum.  Drum(s).  Cymbal.  Davie.  Rock Davie.  Jack.  Skinny.  Performance.  Compact Discs.  Arguments regarding the color brown.  Cow.  & Music.
 But that’s not all.  Formal words like:  Superstars.  Recording.  & Boom Boom Boom.
 These all come to mind.
 I don’t write for any chronicles, but I do know good music when I hear it.
 But, what I do know, is that I am an idiot.  But I like good music.
 I like good music.
 I’d call myself “retarded,” but that would offend some people.  But, did you know that nobody who is or was mentally handicapped has ever actually been offended by being called “a retard” or "hey retard" or "retarded?"  That’s no B.S.  (Why come is this, you may ask?  Answer: they're too retarded to understand.)  But try telling that to all these retards that get offended all the time.  Did you know that they’re not even really retarded?  Now, isn’t that what’s really offensive (and retarded)?
 Probably not.  But, well, anyway, probably not.
 (I don’t have a follow-up to that.)
 Well, I would apologize for your having read this Tump review so far, but I think I’ve made it clear that I obviously don’t care anymore.  For instance, I once referred to every stand-up comedian in Austin, TX in a forum on a thread about offensiveness as “the n-word”.  Except I used the actual n-word.  And even though it seemed to upset a lot of people, I can barely pretend to regret it.  I mean, it just made sense to me as funny.  And almost everyone who was offended was a white.  Now, why were they offended?  The truth is, America: they didn’t even know.  There is no logic in a land ruled by whites.  In addition to that, my facebook profile pic is of a Russian woman I met once and hardly know, but oddly revere.
 Do these things sound like the actions of someone who cares?
 Anyway, I really do like Tump, though.  I do.  For realzies.  You’d have to be a fuckin’ idiot to not like Tump.  You should listen to them.
 I’m making a cartoon and, um, I’m putting Tump's music in there.
 So, you’re welcome.  You’re awesome.  Don’t let a bunch of idiots make you think you’re not.  Because they’re fucking idiots.  Most of them pretentious.  But all of them idiots.  And you shouldn’t care what they think.  I sure don’t.
 You may say to yourself: “For someone who doesn’t care what another person or group of people think, you sure are saying you don’t care a lot, almost as if you secretly do care.”  There may be truth in that.  But, I don’t care.
 Fuck you.

Hey, wait, check out Tump's music here: http://tump.bandcamp.com/
 Thanks,
Jonathan Hubbell

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